I have struggled with my situation as of late. I know that we are less than 6 months from being in a completely different set of circumstances than we are right now. Somehow, though, it is so easy to get caught up in the frustrations of the "here and now".
Work has been less than desireable lately. It has been ridiculously busy -- and with budget cuts come staffing cuts. So the shifts I work are much harder than before, considering my patient load nearly doubles what I consider "normal" at times.
Many (not all) of my co-workers are just plain mean. It's hard to work with a group of women and not have problems with gossip and cattiness. A lot of what I see and hear at work is absolutely revolting. I am generally unhappy with my situation. I still love taking care of new families and enjoy that very much -- but am surrounded by negativity when I am trying to do this job. Unfortunately, it's worse than ever since everyone is so over-worked.
Plus, I have my own issues. My husband is gone 95% of the time (until May), and my children have to spend a night away from home at least once a week because of my job.
I worked on Thanksgiving, and am scheduled to work 6 of the 8 nights before Christmas (including Christmas Eve).
I have been very ungrateful for my position in life -- and have seen the "glass half empty".
Then, recently, as I was driving home from a hard shift one morning, I was listening to Christmas music on the radio. They played some music background while soldiers in Iraq sent out Christmas and New Year greetings to their families.
The tears started coming and would not stop. Here I have been selfishly thinking, "Poor me," with an unhappy and ungrateful spirit. There are MANY people who have things much worse than me! These soldiers for example: they won't be home for Christmas -- they don't know if they'll EVER be home. It's high time I readjusted my thinking!
Am I overworked? Yep. Do I have to work too much holiday time? Yep. Am I in an unusually difficult set of circumstances? You betcha!
Is there anything for which I can be grateful? Absolutely! LOTS.
My husband is here in the US -- about to finish a degree that will enable him to provide well for his family. My children are healthy and happy. I HAVE a job, unlike many who have lost their jobs due to the poor economy. And I will be WITH my family at Christmas -- I get to come HOME from my job for that.
I still have my moments when I lapse into self-pity, but definitely have gained a more realistic perspective of how (good) things are for me right now!
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2 comments:
Beth, I so wish that you could have more time at home with your sweet children and husband, and I'm so glad that it really is just a matter of time before that becomes a reality for you.
It's always so humbling when we have those ah-ha moments that shed light on our own weaknesses. And yet, somehow it's cleansing and inspiring as well. I seem to be having a lot of those ah-ha moments as of late.
I will pray that your Christmas day feels like a week of blessings, laughter, and rest all wrapped up in one.
Beth - all your friends know that your work situation is extremely difficult, and I don't think it's wrong for you to acknowledge that - it's difficult in comparison to how you want it to be, and to how you know it WILL be. It's hard to wait. And I think it's also hard to be thrown daily into such a fallen place, with so much of the sin of the world in plain view.
But you're also right to acknowledge that others have it worse - sometimes worse for a lifetime. I showed a video to my students recently of a man in Asia, stacking 20 large bricks on his head and carrying them from a boat to the shore that way...over and over again. What a job! Like you, I also complain about my job sometimes, until I stop and realize how MUCH I have to be thankful for. May God give you the strength to wait for the change that is coming!
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